We Don't Share...

...except when it comes to germs.

Then we apparently have NO PROBLEM sharing.  

2 girls

Who, on the surface, it would appear, 

do not ever

share

anything.

Ever.

Except when it comes to germs.

Fortunately for me it all sort of happened on my day off.  

And by "day off" I mean the day that other people are not paying me to show up.  

(I apologize for the newspaper interview appointment by phone that I was not able to keep today)

Days like today

And SEVERAL other days in the last 3 weeks

Have made me so grateful for everyone who helps me out and is flexible with me and all of these crazy circumstances.  

Thank You.  

I owe you.  

And one of these girls woke up from a nap and was crying for her brother:

Sibling medicine seems to be working.

....even when sharing things like germs.

"We" Voted

I voted last night.  When I say that "I voted," what I really mean is that "we" voted.

And by "we" I mean me AND my 15-year-old son and my 14-year-old daughter.

I had to wait until after school, work and basketball practice so that these two could join me.

They both have been following the political race with more interest and smarter questions than many adult voters I know.

And if you know the Wildcat at all, then you already know his political views.
And you probably aren't surprised that when he was a kid, he chose to dress up like a president for Halloween.
And yesterday at the sophomore career fair, he was disappointed that there were not any representatives from the political world.

He follows this stuff...intently.
He knows more about it than me.
He stood in line with me last night long enough to go over the sample ballot with me.
And "instructed" me in how I should vote.
And he learned that there is a back side of the ballot, something he didn't understand last night....

but he told me in no uncertain terms that by the next presidential election....
...AN ELECTION HE WILL BE VOTING IN....
(gulp)
he will know and will vote on the back side of the ballot with just as much knowledge as he votes on the front side.

As mama to these two...I am simultaneously filled with pride at their enthusiasm for wanting to be a voice and vote on issues...
....and I cried when I typed the sentence above about my kids being old enough to vote next time.

Where did the time go?

Random Poem

That's my kid

Just up ahead

In the back of the ambulance

under lights blue and red.

I'm keeping up

Not far behind

Keeping cool, making calls

Not losing my mind.

Fainting, ER rooms

A morning of tests

Admissions, procedures

No time to rest.

"It's time to go home"

I think in my head

But doctors say different

And a word every mama dreads

"We need some more tests

to rule in or rule out..."

A cancer diagnosis

may be coming about.

We transfer hospitals

We test and we wait

Discussing all possible

Outcomes and debate.

We don't know

What the tests may show.

We talk about the positve

We snuggle and we share

Life, stories, friends

And unanswered prayers.

We recognize the best

possible outcome of this

and joke that this all

is probably a miss.

It's Friday and you

have football on your mind

I indulge you, cuz I'm mama

And I can do that, I find. 

But normal has changed

as we wait for these tests

Normal is no longer

the "normal" requests.

As they took your bone marrow

To test for diagnosis

I knew in my heart

What Should be the prognosis.

And yes, I was there

Through the entire test

Because deep down in my heart

I knew I was blessed.

A long time ago

Before you were born

I thought I was loosing you

And I made a promise duley sworn.

"Dear God "I prayed

And I begged without end

"Please give me this child and 

I promise to spend

Each day as his mom

Teaching him about You

And your love that abounds

Every day is anew."

Lo and Behold

(cheesey words for a rhyme)

I was reminded today

of this prayer of mine.

And here I am

Watching what I'm told is your fate

And I know that my prayers

Have not been too late.

Because no matter what

the tests tell me

I know that you are the Nathan

The Lord made you to be.

We  have since found out

That your medical tests show

Your story does not

Include cancer

Although

I renewed my promise

Made 16 years ago

And as your mama

I want you to know

that no matter what life

Happens to hand to you

That you are uniquely chosen

To be the the one

to follow through

God has a plan for your life

my sweet and only son

Walk the path

laid out for you by the One

Who is the giver of life

and every breath we take

And every day is a test

from the minute we awake.

Your story is one

that inspires me

To be the best

That I can be.

And today that means

being a mama to you

And your three sisters

IN all that you do.

I'm right here beside you

All as you continue to grow

And for ever after

Because one thing we know

We were given to each other

To live this life

For one day at a time

In good times and strife. 

So whether our tests include doctors
schools and other things
Don't forget that I'm here for you
In all that life brings.



Saving on Supper. And dessert.

Tonight's supper is another based on last 2 weeks of Jeff's Market deals.

And so is dessert.

And we all know which one of these recipes is more important here.

(incidentally, I stumbled upon dessert from a friend's blog....I think she found it on pinterest....something i have not dared to dabble in just yet)

(but am thankful for those who do)

(sort of like am ex-smoker appreciating second hand smoke)

(see how unhealthy i can be when it comes to these things?)

Anywhoo....

Supper Ingredients:

Chicken (left over from last week's sale
Cheese
Biscuits (on sale this week with coupon!)
Cream of chicken
Plus add a soup can of milk.

Put the biscuits in a pan.  top it with the soup and milk.  Then chicken .. Then cheese.  Cook it.  The end.

Dessert Ingredients:

2 bags of frozen fruit on sale this week
Cake mix
lemon lime soda

Put the fruit in a 9 x 13 pan
Cover it with the dry cake mix
Pour the soda over it.

All goes in looking like this:

And out like this:

House smells great.

Another Quick Update on Nathan (and some things i learned through this whole thing)

First things first--he is in school for a few hours this afternoon.

If you only knew how important this was for the Wildcat.

He would have skipped right on into the school if I had let him.  But he isn't cleared by his hematology/oncology docs to do any skipping, galloping or running just yet.

But you can tell by the look on his face that he is skipping on the inside.

(gosh he is so dang cute)

So....for the update:

He had his blood drawn and worked up yesterday.  He will have to do this once a week until they tell us to stop.  The counts that they are looking for showed an improvement.

(Yeah! for blood transfusions!  It's working!  Go donate blood!)

His counts are not up to "normal," yet, but it appears as if the blood transfusion is doing what they want it to do.

We will keep reporting for the blood work-ups, go back to the University in a month, and then follow-up with another bone marrow biopsy in 3 to 6 months. It's still alot of medical follow-up that we have to to, but Nathan doesn't seem to care.....

.....because he is back in school today.

.....and he is imparting his political views on anyone who will listen....and especially those that won't listen.

(I feel the need to send him to school in a t-shirt saying This ad may not have been approved by Nathan's mother yet.) But I totally support him.  It's hard to argue with a 15-year old that I sing bedtime songs to...and yet he knows more about the political world than I do.

***********************************

So, there are a couple of other things I have learned in this last week:

I am totally good in an emergency situation.

I can call 911, report facts, watch surgical procedures being done on my kid, and take care of business.

I can do all of this without breaking down.....
....at the time it is occurring.

I've had a couple of emotional breakdowns this last week.

Both of these have occurred AFTER we were out of the dangerous woods called "waiting-for-a-cancer-test on-your-kid."

And both times I was (and still am) just physically and emotionally exhausted.

So here is what we know about Robin:  If she is tired and hasn't had a chance to cry about it yet....she may cry when she goes to the bank and talks to the bank teller while making a deposit.  It has nothing to do with money.....even tho there could be a case for crying about money at the bank.


LESSON #2 that I learned:  When I have to go to the hospital in an emergency situation for any of my kids that happens in the morning , there is one thing that I will step away for before the ambulance gets to the house:  a bra.


The other think I have learned revolves around everyone reading this:

You all have been great.

And supportive.

And caring.

And supportive.  And great.  And caring.

Thanks for the messages.

The truth is, I don't think that I should accept offers of help with meals and visits etc. because we are home and I have issues with pride and all of that business.
 But I do know that I need it.

So when you stop by with a meal
Or to visit and share a glass of wine while we tell stories that have been going on this week.....
....let me tell you, it is very therapeutic to all of us.

Thank you.

Our Silent Hero

Dear Marz,

So much has been going on this last week.  And on the outside, it seems like none of it revolves around you.

Except....guess what.

So much of it does.

Because you, my sweet girl, are a hero.

You are a silent hero.....

.....
....a person who just does what they do because that is what they do.

And that, my sweet, strong girl....is you.

You don't expect any recognition.

Because, in your mind, you are just being you.

In my world,  YOU are.....
.....an amazing daughter
.....a first-class sister
.....a great and coach-able athlete
.....a wonderful student
.....an amazing friend
......
......
.....a gift to all who truly know you
.....and.....

a Hero.

Your brother is having a lot of medical issues right know.
And when it came to being an emergency,
YOU
were the one I called to come help me
YOU
were the one who sat next to Nathan when I needed to step away for a minute
YOU
were the one that Nathan remembers calming him down when he did not know what was going on while I had to step away
and
YOU
are the one who is there for him
in the way that I wish I was
when you all are at your dad's house.

And Nathan notices these things.

And so do I.

YOU
my sweet girl
are my hero
And your brother's hero
and my guess is, that you are there for those I don't even know

because that is who you are
That is what your spirit is

And I want you to know....that YOU are important.

You
are a
Hero.

Even if and when it seems like you don't come out that way....

Dear Nathan,

I've gotten to spend a couple of days bonding with you in the hospital.

Haven't done that since, well...since you were born.

Only this time you are one hooked up to monitors in the hospital bed and I am the giant baby on that little couch next to you.

Yesterday I woke you up for school.  You were in bed.  But you teared up and told me that you think you had walked in your sleep and you hurt yourself during the night.  We walked over to where you thought you had walked to in the night, and the evidence was there that you had been there and you had passed out.  You remembered hitting your head on the wall and waking up there, but not how you had gotten back to bed.  There are plenty more details to this part of the story....a story that you can tell if you want to.

Then we walked back to your room and you fainted in front of me.  I tried my best to catch you and cushion your fall.

You got to take your first ride in an ambulance to the hospital.  

We assumed your fainting had something to do with the concussions you had last month.

Fortunately, those brain tests appear to be normal.

Incidentally and unfortunately, during blood work ups, the doctors noticed you were quite anemic.

So we spent the night and had them monitor these blood levels.

This morning they were lower than yesterday.

Low enough to require a blood transfusion and more testing.

At a different hospital.

So we got you there.  Your second ride in an ambulance.

And tomorrow you will have more tests done.

And hopefully, we can be done with all this bonding-in-the-hospital-business.

Tomorrow you will have your bone marrow tested.

(I thought about keeping some of my thoughts on this private....but that isn't me.  And it isn't you, either.  If it was you...then you know I would have kept this journal entry to myself.  But we both live our stories out there.  And your story inspires people.  You inspire me.)

You have tons of friends.  Tons of people praying for you today.  I had to empty my text inbox twice today. And I had nearly 200 messages by email at home.

People believe in you and are believing for you.

You were strong when you were born.  10-and-a-half-pounds strong.

You are strong now.  Physically, spiritually and emotionally.

But just so you know....if you ever feel weak, in any of these areas....physically, spiritually or emotionally...you have tons of people who want to be strong for you.

And your mama will ALWAYS ALWAYS be there to help cushion any blow or fall.

I love you with every fiber of my existence.

Love, Mama