The Hair Sylist with the Magic Wand....

I say she's magic, but really, she is just a genius.

I went to get my hair done today. I've been planning this for weeks.

The plan was supposed to go like this:

I sit in the chair, she puts the drape around me and says: What are we doing this time rob?
To which I reply: Cut it off. At least three inches. But just do your magic. I want a new look. Make me look 10 years younger (and 10 pounds lighter).
And then guess what, she gives me the exact cut and style that makes me look like the "Sexy Looks for Moms" article in the Redbook Magazine I had just happened to be flipping through.

But it didn't exactly go that way.

It went something a little more like this:
So what are we doing today, Rob?
Me: Well, that depends. How much do you think three inches of hair off of my head will weigh?
Magical Hairstylist: You know, you ask me this every time. 3 inches of hair is not going to show up on your scale when you go home to weigh yourself.
Me: Yeah, now that you mention it, I vaguely remember having this convo with you before. Ok. Well, can you make me look like this? And I pull out Redbook's article with sexy mom hairstyles.
And she says: Well, that is actually the hairstyle you have RIGHT NOW. You know, those messy looks featured aren't really just messy looks. They were MADE to look that way.
ME: So you can't give me a cut that looks messy so I just can wake up with it and mess it up and it looks like that?
Magic Maker: No. But I can freshen up the color, give you a trim and then STYLE IT for you so you can know how to give yourself a MESSY HAIR-STYLE.

ME: Ok. So what you are saying to me is that that I can't just have a "messy" hair-cut that looks like this without styling it and I'm not going to loose any weight in this haircut. ? But I can STYLE it "messy?"

But will I look 10 years younger?

Hairstylist with the Magic Wand (realizing that this conversation was not going to take any sort of turn towards the normal....): Yes. And may I add, that it looks like you've lost some weight since last time.

Me: Who do I make the check out to again?

The Friday Funnies

MATRIMONY



You have two choices in life:



You can stay single and be miserable,



or get married and wish you were dead.



__________







At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,



"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"



"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."



__________







A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:



"Husband Wanted".



Next day she received a hundred letters.



They all said the same thing:



"You can have mine."



__________







When a woman steals your husband,



there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.



__________













A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished



__________







A little boy asked his father,



"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"



Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."



__________











A young son asked,



"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa



a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"



Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."



__________





Then there was a woman who said,



"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,



and by then, it was too late."



__________







Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.



__________







If you want your spouse to listen and



pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.



__________





Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.



__________







First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"



Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

working on sending out article to regional parenting publications.

not necessarily anywhere near this region of the country, though.

also on the agenda: go to sister-in-law suzie to get hair cut and colored and somehow magically transformed into something a little more smokin-hot than the old-fashioned pony-tail look that i have been owning here.

birthday shopping for tookie. she wants a trampoline. don't think i can fit that in the trunk of my car.

party-time: ty's grad party is tonight.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom

"Never test the depth of water with both feet."

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger."

"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure."

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."

"An unwatched pot boils immediately."

"I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support."

"It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions."

"No one is listening until you fart."

and finally for today......

"Never do anything that you woldn't want to explain to the paramedics."

Fun Little Exercise

There's this game that I sometimes play....in my head. It's quite an interesting exercise really.

It's just this thing where I will occassionally have these imaginary conversations with people that either would be

A: a Conversation that could never occur in (my)real life or,

B: a Conversation that is with someone that I would never actually have the chance to talk to.....

.....which I guess is about the same thing as my point A.


Take, for example, the conversation that I had with a U.S. Senator a little bit ago. We chatted at great length about the staggering tragic statistics that involve domestic violence and teen dating violence and the importance of bringing awareness to this issue at every level. He then went on to invite me to speak at a couple big time events that he was going to be at and wanted to endorse my efforts to bring awareness to communities, schools, churches and the like.

How nice of him to catch this passion and want to help promote a cause. I think I will vote for him next election.

I mean, of course, if this had been a real conversation and he was a real senator and the whole entire thing wasn't just a figment of my imagination....i would definitely vote for him.

Or then there was this conversation that I had with an editor of a newspaper and we talked about how relatable he thought my writing was and believed his readers would enjoy a regular column submitted by me. Plus, also, he wanted to pay me lots of money to write this column. And he wanted to introduce me to a magazine editor friend in the business.

That was a fun conversation.

Then there was the imaginary conversation that occured with a church pastor in Texas. This church wanted to invite me down to speak at a women's conference. Travel expenses paid for. And I would be on a panel with some pretty impressive names.

I had to tell the pastor that I would check my schedule and get back to him.

Later on.
In my mind.

Is the law, THE LAW?

So this is confusing.

But so are many many things that swirl around in my head.

I just got done spending some time with a dear friend and we were discussing things like laws. Deep and heavy stuff.

So let's say there is a situation where there is not a law, but judge after judge makes decisions that are in black and white in support of a deal that should really be a law.

But somebody else doesn't like those decisions.

And since technically, there is no law, let's just say, here in Iowa, that spells this out in black and white other than court decisions, it is this somebody else's right to argue.

Until this somebody gets somebody else to agree.

But in the mean time, if it's not a law, but judge after reputable judge says it should be a law, why isn't it?

Sorry for this confusion.

Time for some investigation.....

Ministry Monday

Statistics show that one in every four women in each church community is being abused by her partner or has been abused in the past.

Time for a little math....

....how many women is this in your church community?