A New Decade

It's like I woke up one morning, and suddenly I was 40.

That day was yesterday. 

The night before the big Four-oh, I was tucking in the girls and saying prayers.  Probably the most memorable one came from the heart of Claire:

"....and dear God, please help mama's 40th birthday be the best 40th birthday ever....cuz she's probably gonna try to have a lot of 40th birthdays......"

What can I say, other than "Amen"?

I decided to start the day off right.  I woke the kids up and we ate cake and ice-cream for breakfast:

Not just any cake.
It is a Jeff's Market marble cake.  My absolute favorite.

I was so excited about eating this cake for breakfast that I forgot to make a wish before I blew out the candles.

This was the first of many things that would slip my mind on my 40th birthday.

Brian took the day off of work.
We took my van and ran a couple of errands. 
The van has been acting up on me; throwing out symptoms of choking and passing out.
But miraculously, the van ran fine while Brian and I drove around all afternoon.

Until I went to pick the girls up from school. 
She died in the driveway.

Apparently my van is haunted and only does this when I am the one behind the wheel. 
I will be checking the yellow pages for an expert in performing vehicle exorcisms.

My evening was spent in West Liberty at a track meet. 
My opinion on this is that we should not be going to track meets when the wind chill is a factor in the temperature. 
That's just me.

In getting ready, I decided at the last minute to change my jeans into my football-season jeans....the ones that I can wear another pair of pants underneath. 
2 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of gloves and 5-shirts-and-a-windbreaker later, we headed off to West Liberty to watch these girls at their first outdoor track meet.

 

 ...but not before we had to borrow money to get in to the track meet.

I forgot that my money was in the first pair of jeans I was wearing.  

In other super-exciting things I did on my 40th:

I shopped at the Dollar General store to buy some ingredients to make my own cleaning solutions.  

I have been wanting to do this since I moved last fall.  

It's true, I live on the edge. 

I also spent the day talking Brian's ear off.  At one point, I was telling Brian a story and right smack dab in the middle of it, I thought of an unrelated question and then couldn't remember the story I was telling him to start with.  

Huh.

Where did that thought go?

All in all, my 40th was a day that I (hope) will always remember. 

But it's okay if I don't.  Because I will probably celebrate it again next year. 

"Amen."

"Fear is a Liar"

So.  Question for you:

"What if the thing you wish most for is the very thing God plans to give you?"

That was a quote/question posted on one of my FB group walls.  I never responded to it, but it really got me to thinking.

There's lots of big and little things I wish for:  healthy kids, healthy relationship, a happy home, laundry that folds itself, money in the bank, to make it through parenting teens, blending happy families, to write a book, to travel and speak nationally, flowers I plant to live, lose ten pounds, to minister to victims of abuse, grow up to be a grandma someday, to be able to find my lipgloss in the bottom of my bag.....

Big and little things.

So when thinking about the above question posted....I really had to narrow down what the thing that I most wish for is.

Obviously I can cross off lipgloss and flowers. And probably the self-folding laundry.

And I want to cross off the ten pound weight loss thing.  I keep crossing it off and circling it again.  It's important.  But not the thing.  


But I think I can sum up what the one thing that I most want is:  to fulfill God's purposes he has for my life.

Sounds good to me.  After all, I recognize certain gifts I have that are God given.  And I recognize that the place I live and this time in history is on purpose and not accidental.  The people placed in my life are for a reason....so whether I completely mess up this whole parenting and step-family relationship thing is irrelevant to the calling to be in relationship in the first place.

Do I have the one thing I most wish for?  Has God already given it to me?  

I don't.

Which doesn't make total sense because wouldn't God want to grant me the one thing that I wish for if that one thing were, in fact, his purpose for my life?

hmmmmm.....

Maybe because I haven't fully accepted all that there is to fulfilling God's purposes for my life.  I understand it is a process. 

But something has always just stood up and gotten in my way:  Fear.

Sometimes fear knocks on the door and I let it in. Sometimes fear sneaks up on me disguised as practical concern, but then turns around and becomes completely disabling.  There have been some instances where fear has been hanging around for so long that it has become comfortable in my own home, leaving its trash all over the place and overstaying its welcome.  

Fear of the unknown, fear of the known, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of practical issues, fear of things that, for the most part, exist only in my head.....

...really, a whole entire laundry list of fears.  Dead weight. 

(I think I may put "self-folding laundry" and losing weight back on my list of important things )


So.  Back to that first question. 

What if the thing you wish most for is the very thing God plans to give you?

God does want to fulfill his purposes through each of our lives.

Personally, I am not exactly sure what that will look like, but I do know this:

When fear comes knocking at my door, I'm gonna put my boots on and give it a good kick in the teeth.  I might even have some harsh words to give it.  If fear sneaks in when I'm not looking, I'm gonna have to tell it to take it's trash and get out.  And if I don't have the energy to face fear on my own, which happens to be quite often, I'll bring in the big guns to take care of the issue.  Jesus can answer the door instead.

Because:

And it is getting in the way of what I most wish for.  

The Method to my March Maddness

It is that time of year again. 

Probably a time of year that every mama looks forward to.

Obviously, I am talking about the road to the final four.

For the last few years, my son has invited me to participate in his ESPN group and fill out my own bracket.

While he has spent the last several days studying  the teams--percentages, history, odds, etc.--his system for choosing his bracket, I have been doing my own research. 

It is true.  I have a system for choosing teams.  I take this 3-step system very seriously. 

The things us moms do to be a part of our children's lives, right? 

I'm sure you are dying to learn about my system.

And bracketologists  everywhere are certain to be studying this system for years. 



Here's how it works:

1.  Between the two teams playing each other, choose your favorite colors.  This will most certainly be different for everyone.  Your favorites may include the colors you look good wearing, or colors you like to decorate your house in.  Or purple. 

2.  If you hate both team's colors, choose based on where the team is located in the country.  Would you like to visit one place over the other?  If so, choose that team.

3.  If you are equally dissatisfied with the colors and location, check out the mascott.  Which one is cuter.  Or the least annoying to you.

Would you like to know who is in my final four?  And why they made it that far?  

Duke, North Carolina University, Kansas State and North Carolina State?

Do you happen to see a theme of the above?  I'm sure it is quite clear.

3 of the teams are located in the Carolinas.  

One of the team's mascots is a purple Wildcat.

Now I'm sure it all makes sense.  

In the final game I have the purple Wildcat up against the (upper-iowa-colored peacock) powder blue.  

It was a tough decision for the final game, and I had to throw another step in to decide what I thought the outcome should be....but the powder blue wins.

Even though I love purple wildcats, I look way better in powder blue.

Plus also...Nicholas Sparks writes about the Carolina's in all of my favorite romantic books.  

So LOCATION plus LOVE wins.  

But the score is close.  

 

A Book Review and Book Giveaway

I was recently given the opportunity to read and review The Repurposed & Upcycled Life~When God Turns Trash to Treasure by Michelle Rayburn.

Here is the review I posted on amazon:

Addicted to pinterest boards?  Have a creative bent towards turning yard sale finds into something new and valuable?  Ever wonder how your own life story fits in with either of these two?

The Repurposed & Upcycled Life by Michelle Rayburn addresses these things and more. 

 

The author has extensive experience with crafting and trash-to-treasure decorating.  She has been gifted with being able to see the potential in an object that may have first been someone else’s trash, and then able to craft it or “upcycle” the same item into something far better and more beautiful than it was originally thought of.  

But that isn’t necessarily what this book is about. 

Michelle Rayburn shows readers how God has used the same idea of trash-to-treasure decorating in her own life stories.

Each chapter begins with a personal story from Rayburn’s own life. All are relatable and give readers a glimpse into the real life of a woman who, on the outside may appear to have it all together, but on the inside shares some of the same struggles that women in this day and age face. 

Each chapter ends with a section called “Getting Personal.”  This part of each chapter includes three short snippets with a specific action incorporating an exercise in digging a little deeper in the reader’s faith, a creative project to do and how each fits in to everyday life.  This gave the book more of an interactive feel as opposed to just a good read. 

I really liked the personal stories shared by the author.  While I am not a crafty person, myself, I do have an appreciation for those that do and find the trend in “upcycling” fun to follow.  What appealed to me the most about the book is how Rayburn was willing and able to share some of her own “junky experiences” of life and let God turn it around into something new, different and better than how the story first began.  

It was also interesting to see how the author could take each aspect of faith, creativity and life out of their own proverbial boxes and weave them together into a story that is far more complete than viewing each of these three items on their own.  

I found the following excerpt compelling and a way to summarize the major theme in The Repurposed & Upcycled Life:  

When I feature a project on my website, I always show a before and after picture. If I didn’t show the before picture, it would take away from some of the wonder of the after picture. We like seeing a dramatic transformation. The better it turns out, the more we marvel at the change. That’s what God wants to do with our trash. No matter what it is, he can transform it—upcycle it—into something that points others toward his glory so they will say, “Look what God can do.” 

The only thing I did not like about this book was that it was hard for me to sit down and read each chapter in a short sitting.  I would recommend setting aside a half hour to read and absorb each chapter, and for me that wasn’t always possible.  But honestly, this says more about me and my schedule and how focused at the time I sat down to read than it does about the book.  When I go through the book again, I will probably read a chapter at a time, then set aside the next few days to dig a little deeper into the “faith, creativity and life” projects at the end of each chapter.  

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This is only the second book review I have ever written.  I really liked the process.  I was given a free copy of the book to read in order to write the review, but my overall positive review of the book is not a reflection of this at all.  

I did not mention this in my amazon review, but another reason I really really REALLY liked this book has to do with my own story.  I've got issues, experienced some proverbial garbage in life, and continue to face certain obstacles that I just cannot see how anything good can possibly come of it.   

The book was a reminder that God does have the "creative eye" that I do not have.  He knows how my own personal stories in life can come out better and more beautiful than they first began.  Certainly an "upcycled" version of what I may have or currently am going through.  

And sometimes, I really really REALLY need that reminder.

Perhaps you do to.

If you want to get to know the author better, visit her on her website:  www.michellerayburn.com

From there you can follow any of her blogs.  My favorite is the Faith, Creativity, Life blog.

I also want to offer to give away a copy of the print version of the book.  (I have the kindle version, too)

Leave a comment here on the blog and you will be entered into a random drawing for the book.   

1 commenter will also be entered into a grand prize giveaway from the author of the book.  

Just another manic monday....

It's another Monday morning here at home.

I wake everyone, including a 12-year-old who is only inches from my face when it is time to wake up.

She had a bad dream somewhere in the 1-2:00 a.m.-range of the night. 

We are all getting ready for the day....

...checking emails and facebook messages.

Good news right there from one of my sisters.  I don't know the details yet, but I do know that she is posting that she is happy with the judge's decision in Texas, regarding some potentially life-changing news for her and her son.  It is always good when the justice system actually works.  Especially when kids are involved.  I could go on and on about that...but we are calling today a good day.

**************************************

The Wildcat gets ready and we head to the University Hospital.

For what we are hoping and praying is our last appointment there.  Ever.

We met with our pediatric hematology/oncology doctor.

He gets through all the preliminaries of getting blood drawn, height, weight, blood pressure.

He argues a bit over what they tell him is his height.  He thinks he is 2 inches taller than what they tell him.

Clearly they don't know what they are talking about at the University Pediatric Oncology Clinic.  

She goes over Nathan's recent labs.

He has "baby red blood cells" she tells us.

This means he is producing his own red blood cells.  Properly.  Without further blood transfusions.  And there are enough of them.  

We are not offended by the term "baby" the way "we" were over the height-issue. 

Our doctor goes through things with us.  When Nathan was first presented at the University, every symptom could not be explained by anything that would appear to be a normal reason.  It was necessary to test the bone marrow.  Every indication was that leukemia was the cause of the symptoms. 

It was a rare virus that was the cause. 

Viruses can do that.

They can sneak in and attack you and mimic something worse than what it is. 

And we are so thankful that it was a virus. 

Even though it has taken months to recoup from it. 

Patience.

Apparently a lesson we needed to learn.

A lesson that is just a hair shy of causing mama a nervous breakdown.

So now the Wildcat is back to worrying about the Spanish test and world history project.  And it feels so good to have these worries.  It totally beats the thought of when the next bone marrow biopsy needs to be scheduled.  Which is what we were originally told to be ready for.

********************

While at the University, we got to stop and peek in on my newest baby niece.  Born  a premie.  She is doing great. The Wildcat and I both got to hold her.

I have never held a baby this small.

The Wildcat was actually about twice her weight when he was born.

I took pictures.

Then left my camera in the hospital room.

Of course.

We were in a hurry and "worried" about the spanish test.


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Also just got word that Brian's son may in fact be participating in the indoor track nationals.

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And right now I am making dinner for 30 people tonight.

....don't ask.  

oh-my-heavens-to-betsy

.....

so, I think that is slang for "oh my."

this is my oldest baby girl, Marz:

This is her after I did her hair and she is getting ready to go....
....to her confirmation.

Shouldn't it be a sin to be so beautiful for your confirmation?

That is "okay" she tells me.

Because after confirmation, she is changing into a different dress to go to the dance at the school.

 And she is most likely going to wear converse shoes with the even sexier dress (it hurts me to type those words) to the dance. 

So....okay.  Call me when the dance gets over.  I'll have some popcorn ready and we can talk all about everything I am really scared to hear about. 

Dear Marz,

Mama loves you.  

I am so proud of you.

I'm sorry that I can't be at the church while you are there.

 

But so glad that you will be here with your friends to celebrate when you are done. 

so here's how the proposal went down...

None of our kids were home last night.

And none of our kids had ballgames last night.

A rarity with us.

Brian asked me on Monday if I wanted to go out for dinner on Tuesday. 

I sort of knew something was up, but not because of the dinner-out-on-Tuesday invite....

....something was up because last week he started picking his dirty laundry up off the floor and placing it in the laundry basket located literally just a few steps away from the aforementioned pile-up that collected on the bathroom floor.

....but to me, this was a huge step.

and romantic, if I do say so myself.

hmmmmm.  something is going on here.  

So then we are driving into town and we go to the mall.  Not a place we shop at often.  But Brian needed a new belt.

I've been telling him he needed a belt for months.

hmmmmmm.....picking up the laundry AND finally making this purchase I've been telling him to make for a long time? 

I knew then that we were shopping for a ring.

We did.

I picked out a super gorgeous band that was a little wider than a traditional wedding band and had small diamonds in a design throughout  the ring.  I don't really like the traditional diamond engagement rings....at least not on my hand. 

But we walked around the store and Brian saw another ring.  It had a little more color in it.  I really loved it.  So much that I almost walked out of the store with two rings.  Not even kidding. 

I got the one that Brian picked out.  Which is funny because he wanted to shop for rings with me because he was nervous about getting just the right one.

So we go out to eat and we head home.

The ring is still in the box.  Because I know that Brian wants to propose marriage to me in his own unique and memorable way.

Like, in his t-shirt and underwear.

Sort of fitting, considering it was this type of laundry that first alerted me to the fact that something was going on. 

So I'm in my room, in my jammies, checking emails and he comes in and gets down on one knee and....after five short years of dating....he proposes.

I said sure!

And I cried.  And I went and got this letter that I wrote to him:

I love you.

And I love you and me together.  

You have been there for me when all is well:  the good days of parenting, the exciting times when something I have written makes it to publication, when I am feeling on top of my game and on top of the world.

You have been there for me on days of nothing special:  the days of going through the motions, we eat, work, sleep and wake up and do it all again the next day. 

You have been there for me in times of trial:  when good health wasn’t a guarantee, when kids veer from what we think is best, when money in the bank doesn’t exist, when motives have been attacked by those on the outside.

You have been there for me even when you weren’t sure you understood me:  you listen to my off-the-wall way of making sense of things, you don’t roll your eyes at me when my mouth doesn’t take the time to filter through things that should have stayed in my head, and month after month you put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I drag you on.  (You should get a medal for that one)

The last five years have been full of life and everything that it means.  Fun, games, humor. Happy tears, sad tears, trials of many varieties.  Kids…mine and yours. 

The writer in me knows that every good story worth immersing yourself in takes the reader through ups and downs, with love, action and mystery.  One in which the reader feels connected with the words on the page.  Our story has not been the perfect fairy tale.  But it is our perfect story, a story that I am connected to on a soul-level, and one that is still being written.  It has taken us a while to figure out that the only thing that comes close to the perfect that we wish for is this: 

You and me together.  Living life with all of its ups and downs…together.

Yes, I will marry you.  I will proudly walk through each chapter of the rest of our lives together with you.