Sunday, January 4, 2015

I remember it like it was yesterday...

It was yesterday 
that I found out that I was expecting my first child.
That I was panicked because the situation wasn't ideal.
Definitely not perfect.
A day that I resolved that I would try to do better.
To be better.
For my child.

It was yesterday
that I was starting to show.
That I first knew the meaning of true love.
A love that would do anything to save the life that I thought I was going to lose
The one closest to my heart
In my womb.
A love that was revealed by your footprint through
my skin.

It was yesterday
that I begged God to please let me have you
to not lose you
And I promised to raise you
To love and know HIM.
If He let me have you,
I promised to give you back to Him.

It was yesterday
that you were born
In such a traumatic way
That I was told it was a miracle
That you survived.

It was yesterday
that the first glimpse of you I had
Was from across a crowded room
I saw your fat little thigh
Through a bunch of white coats
And heard nothing but garbled voices
Until one
Finally broke through.
Your cry.

It was yesterday
That I walked around a small apartment
Carrying you in my arms
Singing to you
Because you hated it
When I sat down.

It was yesterday
That I walked you in to your first day of school.
Your sister cried.
She didn't know what to do without you.
And I cried too.

It was yesterday
That a teacher and principal called me in to the school
Because they didn't know what to do with you.
You were acting up
And out.
I blamed myself.
But I understood that you needed
to walk when you talked.

It was yesterday
that you taught yourself how to ride your bike.
You waited and waited for me to be done taking care of your sisters
And I looked out the window
And you were getting ready to balance on your bike
And you yelled at God
to stop the you could ride your bike.
And you rode your bike while
yelling at God.

It was yesterday
that I sat through a parent-teacher conference
And your teacher told me how they loved
having you in their classroom
But you tended to
I was reminded of your first days of you being way more calm when I walked and talked with you in my arms.

It was yesterday
That I thought I was losing you
A rare blood disorder
That mimicked
Threatened my every dream.
Until you proved it wrong.

It was yesterday
That I thought I lost you again
When a police officer showed up at my door
Explaining that there was a roll-over car accident
They thought you were involved in
But had not located you yet.

It was yesterday
That you decided to not let any bad circumstances
Dictate what you did with your life.
You went from QB on the high school football team
To Kicker
Because that was your only option
And you
Made it work.
Because that was the team you wanted to be on.

It was yesterday
That you started to apply for scholarships
And leadership conferences.
You won a local position
You went on to the national conference
And it was yesterday 
that you won the highest honor at that national level.

It was yesterday 
That you applied for a position at our State's Capitol.
And you got it.

It was yesterday
That I prayed for you
And prayed for you
Through all of your days.
Days before you were born
And every day since.
Days that I thought I would lose you
And days that I saw you thrive
Days that I held on to you
And days that I knew I had to let you go.

It is today
That I know that I have to let you go
for real.
The Day
that I knew that no matter what
I had to give you back
to God
and to the world
to do what God has planned for you.

You are a leader.
You are an encourager.
You are who God made you to be.
The person I prayed for before I ever saw your face.
The person who has already overcome so many odds.
The person who has already inspired so many others.

The Bible says that Children are a heritage from the Lord. A gift.

You are the first of THE GREATEST gifts
I have ever known.
You have been and continue to be
Big Brother.
And a son....
You are a "heritage from the Lord."

And it feels like it was
Just yesterday
that we just met.

And now it is like practically tomorrow 
that I have to let you go.

I really don't want to.
But I know
Just yesterday
I promised to give you back.

And I do so
that you have the tools
stand strong
and be courageous
and live each day
With the purpose
That God has had for your life
Since before you were born.

When if feels like people are against you
Remember that nothing is impossible
When you have God on your side.

When it feels like you are not enough,
Remember that God is. 

Remember that God Hand-Picked you 
You were chosen
By Him
to live with purpose and passion. 
Live it like an adventure.
Acts 26:16
Isaiah 41:10

And it is okay if you don't always get it.
For real.

I did not know everything when I first knew of you.
But intuitively
I knew
That one of the greatest things in this world that I would ever do
Wouldn't be something that I did myself
But be in the
People I raised.


I have loved you with my life.
And my heart.
And my soul.

It is not because you are an adult that I let you go.
And I really do not even let you go.

I give you back.
To God
To Bless the World
To leave your footprint on the world
The same way you left your footprint on my skin
From the inside

To go
And Make Your Mark
On this world that you 
Live in
A world that is better
Because you are here.

I thank God for all of these yesterdays.
And I pray for every day
And every tomorrow
That God will continue to bless
Through you.