So. Question for you:
"What if the thing you wish most for is the very thing God plans to give you?"
That was a quote/question posted on one of my FB group walls. I never responded to it, but it really got me to thinking.
There's lots of big and little things I wish for: healthy kids, healthy relationship, a happy home, laundry that folds itself, money in the bank, to make it through parenting teens, blending happy families, to write a book, to travel and speak nationally, flowers I plant to live, lose ten pounds, to minister to victims of abuse, grow up to be a grandma someday, to be able to find my lipgloss in the bottom of my bag.....
Big and little things.
So when thinking about the above question posted....I really had to narrow down what the thing that I most wish for is.
Obviously I can cross off lipgloss and flowers. And probably the self-folding laundry.
And I want to cross off the ten pound weight loss thing. I keep crossing it off and circling it again. It's important. But not the thing.
But I think I can sum up what the one thing that I most want is: to fulfill God's purposes he has for my life.
Sounds good to me. After all, I recognize certain gifts I have that are God given. And I recognize that the place I live and this time in history is on purpose and not accidental. The people placed in my life are for a reason....so whether I completely mess up this whole parenting and step-family relationship thing is irrelevant to the calling to be in relationship in the first place.
Do I have the one thing I most wish for? Has God already given it to me?
Which doesn't make total sense because wouldn't God want to grant me the one thing that I wish for if that one thing were, in fact, his purpose for my life?
Maybe because I haven't fully accepted all that there is to fulfilling God's purposes for my life. I understand it is a process.
But something has always just stood up and gotten in my way: Fear.
Sometimes fear knocks on the door and I let it in. Sometimes fear sneaks up on me disguised as practical concern, but then turns around and becomes completely disabling. There have been some instances where fear has been hanging around for so long that it has become comfortable in my own home, leaving its trash all over the place and overstaying its welcome.
Fear of the unknown, fear of the known, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of practical issues, fear of things that, for the most part, exist only in my head.....
...really, a whole entire laundry list of fears. Dead weight.
(I think I may put "self-folding laundry" and losing weight back on my list of important things )
So. Back to that first question.
What if the thing you wish most for is the very thing God plans to give you?
God does want to fulfill his purposes through each of our lives.
Personally, I am not exactly sure what that will look like, but I do know this:
When fear comes knocking at my door, I'm gonna put my boots on and give it a good kick in the teeth. I might even have some harsh words to give it. If fear sneaks in when I'm not looking, I'm gonna have to tell it to take it's trash and get out. And if I don't have the energy to face fear on my own, which happens to be quite often, I'll bring in the big guns to take care of the issue. Jesus can answer the door instead.
And it is getting in the way of what I most wish for.