I have a cold.
A lot of snot.
I can't go more than a few steps without sneezing.
And I sort of have to squeeze when I sneeze.
Or change my pants if I don't.
(if you don't get it then you either have never had children or you did your kegal exercises after you had children and therefore i think you are an overachiever who probably wouldn't really get along with me very well. excepting for the fact that I get along with most people so i forgive you for being so type A)
Usually when I get a cold it settles in my ear.
Which means I have a lot of snot and I can't hear myself (or you) talk.
Which means when I talk to myself I actually have to talk a little louder to myself which sort of sounds like I am shouting out an imaginary conversation.
Which doesn't really make me look very good or sane to the nice people who are walking by on such a nice day.
I mean...you know me, so you know that I'm "okay."
But imagine what it looks like while I am "talking" something in my head out while simultaneously trying to not pee my pants.