"Sometimes"

I got this as an email....Instead of forwarding, I am choosing to just post it as it is just something that I may want to refer to down the road.  I hope you enjoy these words of wisdom as well!



>>>S O M E T I MES


>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes...

>>>

>>>when you cry....

>>>

>>>no one sees your tears.

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes...

>>>

>>>when you are in pain.

>>>

>>>no one sees your hurt.

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes..

>>>

>>>when you are worried..

>>>

>>>no one sees your stress

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes..

>>>

>>>when you are happy..

>>>

>>>no one sees your smile ..

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>But FART !!just ONE time...

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>And everybody knows!!

>>>

>>>Gotcha!!You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching

>>>stories!

Fair Warning...

...Stop reading at this very moment if you think you cannot handle girl talk.

And just so you know, I think my pharmacist wishes I would have given him the same warning.

But fortunately for him, he hired a wonderful pharmacy tech whose name is Hannah and she celebrated her 34th birthday today and she gives me some sort of candy every time I walk in. 

So...the day started out like any day that includes an annual physical would.

I got to visit my favorite PA on the planet.  And act like it is completely normal to talk about the weather and periods and tell a joke while wearing nothing but a paper towel. 

A sense of humor does help in these situations. 

I've already decided that at our next meeting, I will have some sort of fake tattoo in place....just to see if she notices. 

So I get done, assure the receptionist that nothing has changed with insurance.  Meaning I don't have any.  And watch the "sorry for you" look on her face.
So what.
Am I the only person that comes in here who doesn't have insurance?

Then.....
I go next door to the pharmacy. 
And hand over my perscription.
And I tell him that I need to get a price on it before I fill it.
Because....again....no insurance. 
NOBIGDEAL STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

And it just so happens that my perscription runs around $80.
$74 for the generic.

So I pleasantly say....okay, I cannot fill this so thanks for the chocolate and I will be back to visit every once in a while because you guys are my favorite pharmacy people ever and i don't have very many adult friends that i talk to anyway. 

(pretty sure pharmacist was thinking of calling security or the rubber truck company)

Then Hannah.  God bless Hannah. 
Gets on the computer.
Finds a coupon from the drug company.
Has me fill out the info on the computer.
Scores me my perscription for $25. 

I told her how much I loved her and would add her to my Christmas card list. 
And I said happy birthday.



SO
What better way to make the day better than by getting your hair done. 
That's what I thought.
Which is why I made appointments on the same day.

So
I have hot hair.

SO
I went to the wildcat's last basketball game.
With my hot hair.
And had to go the bathroom.

And none of the bolts on the doors of the restroom worked.
So I peed.
Not in private.

Which sort of reminded me of the start of my day.

it's like kindergarten all over again

This morning I had to drop the wildcat off at a baseball player meeting.

A high school baseball player meeting.

I dropped him off at the high school for a high school player meeting. 

And I kept thinking about how this just wasn't right.

And how I wondered if he wanted his mama to walk into the classroom with  him....
....like he did when he was lining up outside on his first day of kindergarten.

And, like kindergarten, how I wanted to stay around and maybe peek in the windows or catch a glimpse of him walking the halls. 

And where in the world did all of the elementary and jr. high school-time go anyway? 
Where?
Did I blink?

I'm happy to report that I only dropped him off. 
I didn't embarass him.
Didn't even mention how weird it was for me to be taking him to a high school thing...
...well, not more than 2 times anyway.

And he gets out of the car and says: Thanks mom.  Don't forget I'm lifting weights after practice.

And I said okay, i won't forget. 

But I thought:  i won't forget and i won't blink and i won't let any more time pass by without noticing and
I will be here waiting when you get done.
Just like kindergarten.

Not sure we have turned the corner...

....and on our way to healing. 

The last 48 hours have been spent in tears. 
And not just from my Clarie-Bear who is really really down with the flu.
I had some ugly sobs in there too.

We have had what I am sure are fever-induced nightmares. 
Where she is terrified. 
Not able to eat.
Or drink.
Or sleep very well. 

Once today she blew her nose for 13 minutes straight.
We know that because it was the entire time that her sister was "on the clock" as in keeping track of how many minutes she was reading for "read-a-million-minutes." 

I think that 13 minutes felt like a million to Claire. 

Her head has pounded
and pounded
and pounded.

I have held her in my arms as she was in and out of sleep and she would whisper to me
where are you mama?
and
am i falling?
and
don't let me fall mama

I had a few moments today where I seriously questioned whether I was being a good mama by  helping her to get through this....or if I was a horrible mama for not immediately rushing her to the ER. 

She is still fever-y.
And isn't eating yet.

But I may have noticed a small sign that she is improving.

Her brother walked by her once and she reached out and gave him a weak slap.
And said:
I just had to see if I was too weak to hit you.

And then a little later when he went to say goodnight to her she says
Come closer and I cough on you.

That's my girl.

oh no. not again.

the fever strikes again. 

While I had hoped that the last two of us to be sick would just end with us, it appears that this bug is working it's way through our house.

It's a sneaky bug. 

Just when someone gets better, we have a few good days, then that fever seems to strike it's next victim.

Last night, that was Claire. 

4th Grade Field Trip

I went along as a "chaperone" on the 4th Grade field trip today.

I had my reservations about going. 

Based on my experience on last year's field trip....when these kids were in 3rd grade. 

Last year....I "lost" one of the kids in my group.

We were not able to complete the scavenger hunt project at the museum.

On the bus trip, one of the kids almost spilled a blue slushie on me.

Another had asked me when the last time I had shaved was.

Apparently, not recent enough.

And then there was the whole "some kids should really wear deoderant at this age but don't know it" memory that sort of lingers from last year. 

This year...I AM HAPPY to REPORT....

*That I lost NOONE from my group.
(perhaps due to the fact that in my group of THREE....there were two parents involved.)
(teachers sure are smart)

*There were no concession stands at this years field trip.  Nobody spilled anything on me.

*It was not warm enough for shorts leaving no opportunity for anyone to wonder about my shaving habits.

*I am still fighting a cold.  A little stuffed up.  Can't really smell anything.  Good or bad. 

Claire and two friends in our group

That Inner Voice

Feeling that small whisper inside of me again. 
Telling me that I can make a difference.
What I do/say/write can count for something.
Besides just a paycheck. 

Feeling blessed and inadequate and excited and scared at the same time.
You know....normal. 

I believe that The Mission of Motherhood
or maybe something like
The Ministry of Motherhood
or
Missionary Mom
is about ready to be launched. 

If this makes no sense to you, do not be alarmed. 
You haven't missed the memo.
I just haven't been too forthright in sharing my vision.

That may change.