Monday, February 21, 2011

Not sure we have turned the corner...

....and on our way to healing. 

The last 48 hours have been spent in tears. 
And not just from my Clarie-Bear who is really really down with the flu.
I had some ugly sobs in there too.

We have had what I am sure are fever-induced nightmares. 
Where she is terrified. 
Not able to eat.
Or drink.
Or sleep very well. 

Once today she blew her nose for 13 minutes straight.
We know that because it was the entire time that her sister was "on the clock" as in keeping track of how many minutes she was reading for "read-a-million-minutes." 

I think that 13 minutes felt like a million to Claire. 

Her head has pounded
and pounded
and pounded.

I have held her in my arms as she was in and out of sleep and she would whisper to me
where are you mama?
am i falling?
don't let me fall mama

I had a few moments today where I seriously questioned whether I was being a good mama by  helping her to get through this....or if I was a horrible mama for not immediately rushing her to the ER. 

She is still fever-y.
And isn't eating yet.

But I may have noticed a small sign that she is improving.

Her brother walked by her once and she reached out and gave him a weak slap.
And said:
I just had to see if I was too weak to hit you.

And then a little later when he went to say goodnight to her she says
Come closer and I cough on you.

That's my girl.

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