Holy-Super-Big-Bowl-of-Produce, batman!

It's what I do when I don't know what to do with myself.....

Perhaps I should get a better hobby.

Blast from the Past

Been contacted by an old friend.
A dear friend.

and what i thought....
....a former friend....

divorce does these kinds of things to friends.

especially when you are divorced....but you put on plastic smiles and wanted everyone to think that you were something that you just were not.

cuz, okay. that was me.

On one hand....I was real and relatable.....as a mom.
And I WANTED to be real as a wife too.....
....cuz that is what I thought I could make what I WANTED to happen actually happen....if I acted like it????

no.
nada.

so now i have a friend, former friend, who wants to be friends again....

but also wants to be friends with the ex.

which is still a conflict of interest on both of our parts....

My brain tells me that we can't ALL be friends.....true friends...unless somethings change.

Because that is the nature of MY divorce.....that is all.

But I know that we could be friendly acquaintences....even if nothing changed.

Me & My Honey

I'm a lucky girl

Avery Renea

I have a baby niece!
Avery Renae was born this morning to my sister and brother-in-law, Megan and Andy....and Big Brother, Noah.

So proud of you baby sis!

I SOOO Miss my kids

Like...in a really bad way.

Not necessarily in one of those QUOTE hormonal UNQUOTE sort of ways....

But the hormones are definitely not helping me out here...

Let me backtrack:

last week the Wildcat and my favorite #1 daughter went to church camp. Had a fabulous time. Memories for them and Experiences for them that i, as a mother, would always hope could come from a "church camp" experience.

....and that is not to mention that my son made 2 girls cry and got 1 phone number....at church camp....

....some things, mama just can't plan for!

So I pick them up from camp on Friday and they are on a church-camp-high.......

One that I can't keep having with them because they are on VACATIOn with their dad this week. (this veers from "normal" scheduling because I chose to have my vacation time with the kids on times when they could go to camp.....something that they asked me for.....THIS IS KEY)

And next week I will be sending 2 more off to the aforementioned camp.....

....which happens to be the same week that the Wildcat and daughter #1 are supposed to be with their dad due to "NORMAL" visitation schedule.

my goodness, i can't wait for NORMAL to actually seem NORMAL.

So I'm praying tonight:

* that my kids' "HIGH" won't be squashed
* that they are having fun on their vacation with dad....it is obviously an experience that i cannot provide them with.
* that I won't scare brian off with my somewhat hormonal attitude(s)

The Preferred Way of shoveling dirt

Is to let the boys and their toys do it!

Re-arrange

The kids are on vacation with their dad this week....So I am busying myself with cleaning.

The kind that requires furniture to be moved
Rotting food to be found
Bugs to be vacuumed
Some things get re-arranged and find new homes....

I hate the process, but love the end result.

and when i'm all done, things will sparkle and have the aroma of "clean"

and i will need a chiro appointment

Dear Facebook and Concerned Family and Friends

Y'all are too good to me.
(is that the correct spelling/punctuation for y'all?)
(somebody reading this knows)

Thank you so much for the messages about jobs, about me and jobs you think i would be good at, and well-wishes for jobs you think I should get/apply for.

And the thing that amazes me most is that I have been sorta, kinda (and at times, extremely) vague about what is going on with me.....work-wise.

I'm feeling like spelling some things out.

Which isn't always a comfortable thing.
you know.

First off: I applied for a photography job that I would have gotten and been starting next Tuesday. After lots of tears, bad dreams, good counsel from my mom and close friends (and my brain being completely overtaken by the few things that were bothering me) (for personal reasons) about this job.....I called the lady up today and said that I had to decline.

Good News: She understood COMPLETELY. Told me if things change in a couple of years (which...things with children ALWAYS change....to call her back and she would meet with me.

So here I am, today, in absolutely NO FINANCIAL reason to be turning DOWN job opportunities....turning one down.

I have 4 other applications out now.
2 are reporting positions with the Muscatine Journal.
Neither of which I am qualified for.
But I just keeping thinking that if everyone who applies is just as unqualified as myself....then maybe I have a chance.

And then there are 2 openings at the school for associates.

And I can say now that I have an interview next week....

One of the positions is in the high school.....

Last year and the year before, I worked as a high school teachers' aide. in special ed.
I was good at my job.
Even if the teenage kids who I was there for didn't know it.....
i'm chalking that up to the word "teenage"....because I AM STILL WAY TOO YOUNG and remember what it was like to be a teenager....BUT NOT OLD ENOUGH ignore it.

(if you are my age then you know exactly what i am talking about)

(some call this age "denial" about the age i am)
(i. don't.)

(the. end.)

So yeah....back to the story at hand.....

I worked there. didn't love it. as matter of fact, sorta got stressed about it.
But it should be noted that there was, in fact, a lot of UNCOMMON stress associated with working in the high school last year.

I'm applying for a job there again this year.

The other job is in the preschool.....

I think I want this job. in the preschool.

I get the stress associated with preschool....only because I have MADE IT THROUGh preschool with my own kids.
.....(and part of me maybe wishes I had that back????)

BUT.....HERE IS WHAT I WISH EVERYONE KNEW.....
WHERE MY HEART IS......

MEANING....IF THERE WAS THE PERFECT JOB FOR ME....IT WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS....

1. I am a writer. Not big time. But I KNOW that I could be. I just don't know if I WANT TO BE. Big time sometimes equals too much attention. To me. Not interested.
Totally interested in bringing awareness to certain issues
Totally interested in publishing the children's stories I have written.
But not interested in attention for me or my kids.

2. I don't have the finances to pursue BIG TIME without getting the unwanted attention. If you knew the issues I was passionate about, you would get this.

3. I need a job that allows me to NOT ONLY allow me to use my skills to benefit the people that are hiring me....but also allows me SOME satisfaction that I am either A)helpful in the way that I am wired for.....or B)pays the bills and lets me do what I need to do and be where I need to be for my kids.

I am freelancing right now.
I'm good at it.
It brings me joy.

But it doesn't pay my bills.

I love being "small town."
That is who I am.

But I do have big ideas.
Big issues on my heart.

Issues that NEED to be addressed.


And issues that I FEEL God has called me to address....

If I want any sleep at night.

The Perfect Job For Me: Would be writing and speaking. And peer counseling.
Maybe.
Someday.

I wanted you to know at least A PART of the reason for being so VAGUE.

Does this help?

It's a dirty job....

....and I have to do it.

Don't really mind, though.

Feels good to actually do something physical like this....haven't done much since my neck surgery.

Speaking of jobs......

I have an interview tomorrow with a place in Davenport. The job itself sounds like a good fit for me. There could be some travel involved. Which would mean that when kids are with their dad, I could be working.....

....this also means that I would be working on weekends. No, I don't like that.

Yes, that is when I am the most flexible.

Darn.

Another phone call came in this afternoon.

About a job....

I APPLIED for a job in the preschool. Here in Durant.

I GOT a PHONE CAll from the new High School Principal. (not in charge of preschool)

About an opening in the High School.

I've done this job before.

I'm good at it.

Didn't love it.

But loved being in the same building, with the same schedule as my kids.

So 2 potential opportunities.

Both with upsides and downsides.

I hate big decisions.

But i totally love my pink "tough chicks" work gloves....don't you?

it's time, again, for a little slideshow

I'm learning

learning to value time spent in the moment
and not just always trying to get somewhere

you should know that this is big for me.

Can I just say.....

....that things are good
even if outward appearances don't necessarily show that.

example: no job
but: bills paid up to date

example: kids are at their dads
but: keeping in touch

example: dealing with 1 kid with rebellious behavior
but: key word: dealing. not ignoring. therefore: growing.

example: not married
but: extremely happy Brian

example: great friendships even if we don't get together alot
but: planning on showing up on doorsteps knowing that they don't care...(lisa c.)

example: lots of kids to love, that (more than likely) don't necesarily love me back
but: love feels better

example: lots of dirt left to shovel
but: will help stinky-water-in-basement issue
and: my flabby arms

example: coors light
but: on sale

The Friday Funnies

This little laugh came to my inbox from a good friend who always seems to know when I need to laugh.....


I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

summer nights

When all else fails...

....just order a dump-truck load of dirt.

why not?

Seriously, the dirt is because the grade around the foundation of the house slants towards the house.

and that is bad.

causes all sorts of water problems in the basement.
water problems are wet
and they stink.
=bad

So now I get to spread the dirt around my house and make it look all....dirty, one shovel-full at a time. Which isn't necesarily a horrible thing when I try to tell myself that I am just saving money on not buying a gym membership in order to torture my way into shape.

Confidence

Finding that the more confident I am in who i am,
the more confident I am around others.

can I get a "duh?"

yeah, I know.

Ball

These 3 had ball games this weekend:

Ty: (only senior on team)Won in first game of districts. Hit a homerun at what could have been his last at-bat as a wildcat. Next game is Tuesday. Good luck, Senior!




Brinny: Won the championship game of her league. Is in Dubuque with the all-star team this weekend.












Claire: Team came in second in the championship. Had tons and tons of fun and smiles all around just to make it this far.

Don't you love the tatoo? She's tough.

Thinking positive thoughts.
Hoping for a new "normal."
Soon.

Rick Warren: "That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."

This came to my email inbox this week. I've always liked Rick Warren.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life?
And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity..
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life..
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

So many things

Went to school yesterday to find out if there are any photo opps there.
There are.

There might even be a job there.

Went to GROW yesterday. Got business cards and posters to place in women's restrooms at churches. And letters to church and ministry leaders printed off there. Lots of work to do here.
But no money.

Got info in the mail about speaking for Stonecroft ministries. Possibilities are there.
And some money.


Got some ideas for the Tipton Conservative.
That's good.

So today I am trying to work it out in my head how I can maybe make all of this work, or if I should focus on just 1 or 2 areas.
One thing is for sure....if I can get a job, I think it would be smart to take that.
And IF that happens, I am praying that I can somehow do everything else as well.

Random:
Got my hair cut. Shorter. It's cute.
unrelated to any of the above.

Tookie lost her game last night.
3 kids' ball seasons done. 1 to go.
Except for Brian's kids.....3 to go there.

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.” ~Leon J. Suenes

Because that's how i roll....

you know. spontaneous.

tell me you want to have homemade pizza and invite the whole crew over....sure. no prob.

i can spend an entire afternoon in the kitchen to whip up homemade crust and 4 different pizzas to suit the tastes of 9 different people......

.....i can roll like that.

tell me that you want to go to a movie....absolutely.

tell me that we have to be there in about 1 hour......okay. (does anybody want the pizzas that i spent 3 hours working on?).....

.....i can roll like that.

(and i can even act like my feelings weren't bothered at all)

playing games and having a fire and watching the fireworks from the comfort of my OWN BACKYARD is probably how i am going to try to remember this day. cuz that was the most fun.

and that just sort of happened.

and i can totally roll like that.

i'm not very good at this whole "being spontaneous" thing that I am trying to do.

maybe if i planned it out a little better???

By The Way: we went to see Grown Ups and it was funny.

Wrapping up the weekend with a BANG

maybe.

maybe not. the threat of rain is significant enough that i'm thinking of making other plans than fireworks.

that's just how i roll....

(isn't it funny how i try to be all cool when i'm trying to be spontaneous when spontaneity just isn't a natural character trait of mine?)

so....
the menu for tonight: homemade pizza (instead of grilling out)
smores over the fire pit: probably not
homemade ice-cream: definitely
fireworks: only if there happen to be some in the movies.....?

yeah.....that's how i roll.

The Friday Funnies

HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH


Janet's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even
her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed
mother-of-the- bride ever!

A week later, Janet was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the
exact same dress as her mother! Janet asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but
she refused. ''Absolutely not!


I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.

Janet told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart... I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Janet asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it..."

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.''