Friday, July 23, 2010

Dear Facebook and Concerned Family and Friends

Y'all are too good to me.
(is that the correct spelling/punctuation for y'all?)
(somebody reading this knows)

Thank you so much for the messages about jobs, about me and jobs you think i would be good at, and well-wishes for jobs you think I should get/apply for.

And the thing that amazes me most is that I have been sorta, kinda (and at times, extremely) vague about what is going on with

I'm feeling like spelling some things out.

Which isn't always a comfortable thing.
you know.

First off: I applied for a photography job that I would have gotten and been starting next Tuesday. After lots of tears, bad dreams, good counsel from my mom and close friends (and my brain being completely overtaken by the few things that were bothering me) (for personal reasons) about this job.....I called the lady up today and said that I had to decline.

Good News: She understood COMPLETELY. Told me if things change in a couple of years (which...things with children ALWAYS call her back and she would meet with me.

So here I am, today, in absolutely NO FINANCIAL reason to be turning DOWN job opportunities....turning one down.

I have 4 other applications out now.
2 are reporting positions with the Muscatine Journal.
Neither of which I am qualified for.
But I just keeping thinking that if everyone who applies is just as unqualified as myself....then maybe I have a chance.

And then there are 2 openings at the school for associates.

And I can say now that I have an interview next week....

One of the positions is in the high school.....

Last year and the year before, I worked as a high school teachers' aide. in special ed.
I was good at my job.
Even if the teenage kids who I was there for didn't know it.....
i'm chalking that up to the word "teenage"....because I AM STILL WAY TOO YOUNG and remember what it was like to be a teenager....BUT NOT OLD ENOUGH ignore it.

(if you are my age then you know exactly what i am talking about)

(some call this age "denial" about the age i am)
(i. don't.)

(the. end.)

So yeah....back to the story at hand.....

I worked there. didn't love it. as matter of fact, sorta got stressed about it.
But it should be noted that there was, in fact, a lot of UNCOMMON stress associated with working in the high school last year.

I'm applying for a job there again this year.

The other job is in the preschool.....

I think I want this job. in the preschool.

I get the stress associated with preschool....only because I have MADE IT THROUGh preschool with my own kids.
.....(and part of me maybe wishes I had that back????)



1. I am a writer. Not big time. But I KNOW that I could be. I just don't know if I WANT TO BE. Big time sometimes equals too much attention. To me. Not interested.
Totally interested in bringing awareness to certain issues
Totally interested in publishing the children's stories I have written.
But not interested in attention for me or my kids.

2. I don't have the finances to pursue BIG TIME without getting the unwanted attention. If you knew the issues I was passionate about, you would get this.

3. I need a job that allows me to NOT ONLY allow me to use my skills to benefit the people that are hiring me....but also allows me SOME satisfaction that I am either A)helpful in the way that I am wired for.....or B)pays the bills and lets me do what I need to do and be where I need to be for my kids.

I am freelancing right now.
I'm good at it.
It brings me joy.

But it doesn't pay my bills.

I love being "small town."
That is who I am.

But I do have big ideas.
Big issues on my heart.

Issues that NEED to be addressed.

And issues that I FEEL God has called me to address....

If I want any sleep at night.

The Perfect Job For Me: Would be writing and speaking. And peer counseling.

I wanted you to know at least A PART of the reason for being so VAGUE.

Does this help?

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