The Hair Sylist with the Magic Wand....

I say she's magic, but really, she is just a genius.

I went to get my hair done today. I've been planning this for weeks.

The plan was supposed to go like this:

I sit in the chair, she puts the drape around me and says: What are we doing this time rob?
To which I reply: Cut it off. At least three inches. But just do your magic. I want a new look. Make me look 10 years younger (and 10 pounds lighter).
And then guess what, she gives me the exact cut and style that makes me look like the "Sexy Looks for Moms" article in the Redbook Magazine I had just happened to be flipping through.

But it didn't exactly go that way.

It went something a little more like this:
So what are we doing today, Rob?
Me: Well, that depends. How much do you think three inches of hair off of my head will weigh?
Magical Hairstylist: You know, you ask me this every time. 3 inches of hair is not going to show up on your scale when you go home to weigh yourself.
Me: Yeah, now that you mention it, I vaguely remember having this convo with you before. Ok. Well, can you make me look like this? And I pull out Redbook's article with sexy mom hairstyles.
And she says: Well, that is actually the hairstyle you have RIGHT NOW. You know, those messy looks featured aren't really just messy looks. They were MADE to look that way.
ME: So you can't give me a cut that looks messy so I just can wake up with it and mess it up and it looks like that?
Magic Maker: No. But I can freshen up the color, give you a trim and then STYLE IT for you so you can know how to give yourself a MESSY HAIR-STYLE.

ME: Ok. So what you are saying to me is that that I can't just have a "messy" hair-cut that looks like this without styling it and I'm not going to loose any weight in this haircut. ? But I can STYLE it "messy?"

But will I look 10 years younger?

Hairstylist with the Magic Wand (realizing that this conversation was not going to take any sort of turn towards the normal....): Yes. And may I add, that it looks like you've lost some weight since last time.

Me: Who do I make the check out to again?

The Friday Funnies

MATRIMONY



You have two choices in life:



You can stay single and be miserable,



or get married and wish you were dead.



__________







At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,



"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"



"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."



__________







A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:



"Husband Wanted".



Next day she received a hundred letters.



They all said the same thing:



"You can have mine."



__________







When a woman steals your husband,



there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.



__________













A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished



__________







A little boy asked his father,



"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"



Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."



__________











A young son asked,



"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa



a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"



Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."



__________





Then there was a woman who said,



"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,



and by then, it was too late."



__________







Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.



__________







If you want your spouse to listen and



pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.



__________





Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.



__________







First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"



Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

working on sending out article to regional parenting publications.

not necessarily anywhere near this region of the country, though.

also on the agenda: go to sister-in-law suzie to get hair cut and colored and somehow magically transformed into something a little more smokin-hot than the old-fashioned pony-tail look that i have been owning here.

birthday shopping for tookie. she wants a trampoline. don't think i can fit that in the trunk of my car.

party-time: ty's grad party is tonight.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom

"Never test the depth of water with both feet."

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger."

"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure."

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."

"An unwatched pot boils immediately."

"I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support."

"It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions."

"No one is listening until you fart."

and finally for today......

"Never do anything that you woldn't want to explain to the paramedics."

Fun Little Exercise

There's this game that I sometimes play....in my head. It's quite an interesting exercise really.

It's just this thing where I will occassionally have these imaginary conversations with people that either would be

A: a Conversation that could never occur in (my)real life or,

B: a Conversation that is with someone that I would never actually have the chance to talk to.....

.....which I guess is about the same thing as my point A.


Take, for example, the conversation that I had with a U.S. Senator a little bit ago. We chatted at great length about the staggering tragic statistics that involve domestic violence and teen dating violence and the importance of bringing awareness to this issue at every level. He then went on to invite me to speak at a couple big time events that he was going to be at and wanted to endorse my efforts to bring awareness to communities, schools, churches and the like.

How nice of him to catch this passion and want to help promote a cause. I think I will vote for him next election.

I mean, of course, if this had been a real conversation and he was a real senator and the whole entire thing wasn't just a figment of my imagination....i would definitely vote for him.

Or then there was this conversation that I had with an editor of a newspaper and we talked about how relatable he thought my writing was and believed his readers would enjoy a regular column submitted by me. Plus, also, he wanted to pay me lots of money to write this column. And he wanted to introduce me to a magazine editor friend in the business.

That was a fun conversation.

Then there was the imaginary conversation that occured with a church pastor in Texas. This church wanted to invite me down to speak at a women's conference. Travel expenses paid for. And I would be on a panel with some pretty impressive names.

I had to tell the pastor that I would check my schedule and get back to him.

Later on.
In my mind.

Is the law, THE LAW?

So this is confusing.

But so are many many things that swirl around in my head.

I just got done spending some time with a dear friend and we were discussing things like laws. Deep and heavy stuff.

So let's say there is a situation where there is not a law, but judge after judge makes decisions that are in black and white in support of a deal that should really be a law.

But somebody else doesn't like those decisions.

And since technically, there is no law, let's just say, here in Iowa, that spells this out in black and white other than court decisions, it is this somebody else's right to argue.

Until this somebody gets somebody else to agree.

But in the mean time, if it's not a law, but judge after reputable judge says it should be a law, why isn't it?

Sorry for this confusion.

Time for some investigation.....

Ministry Monday

Statistics show that one in every four women in each church community is being abused by her partner or has been abused in the past.

Time for a little math....

....how many women is this in your church community?

Brady Goes to State!

Would someone like to hire me?

Because I need a paycheck.

I am not good at a lot of things.

But the things I am good at, I really am good at.

But, like I said, those few things are limited.

So if you would like to write a letter to grandma, but don't have time.....
Like to write a letter of complaint.....I'm good at complaining....
Need to promote your business in writing.....I'm good at promoting
Need to write a letter to your kid from the (tooth fairy, santa, easter bunny, fill in the blank)...I'm your girl.
Got a speech to give? I can write that.

Want to read things I have written? Or will write?
Call the newspaper and tell them that you have the best story ever but you only want to give the exclusive to me.....so they should just hire me already....

Sound good?

Song of the day

Make that Songs of the day...or two....

My playlist for the next couple of days are songs that remind me of the 6th-12th grade choir concert I went to tonight. So much fun to watch all the kids. And listen to them perform.

And Ty......
The expression on his face while he is up there singing sort of gives me goosebumps. He just sings and smiles and he loves it! And the audience does too.

And so do I.

Nathan tells me he likes choir. Which, if he didn't, I'm fine with that. But he says he likes it. I had to ask, though, because the look on his face says something like "I wish I were anywhere else but here."

The girls look like they have the attitude of somewhere between Nathan and Ty.

Love them all.

Slumber Party

Got to have a little time with just my Claire-Bear last night.

We ate candy bars and talked about cute boys. and other fun drama that can only happen to a 3rd grade girl.

Oh it was fun!

Direction

I need some direction.

or like a light that is pointing to the next step.

Random

Kids are coming home from their long week at their dad's tonight!

TONIGHT!

Gosh I love those kids.

(the cat misses them too.....scroll down to read about her if you missed that one)




I have about 14 million places I need to be this weekend.
It is true, that I can be at 4 places at once. Through the magic of friends and family. And cameras. and sometimes, the checkbook.
But realistically, this weekend, I am only going to be able to be at one place. At one time.
And I feel like I need to breathe into a bag right now just thinking about it.

And I wish-oh-how-i-wish that one of the places I could be is at the funeral of a beloved acquaintance. Even though that isn't a place that anyone wishes they ever have to be.
oh. tears.



I got an CD of the Writers Conference I went to with ALL of the classes on it....even the ones I could not go to.....and it says it can be played on the computer and on MP3 players.

So I bought an MP3 player.
And I spent an entire afternoon trying to get it to work.
I even asked for help.
Before I gave up and decided that once again, technology and me to not have a good working relationship at all.



The last of the randomness (for today):
If you are following me over here on the blog, leave a comment to let me know.
K?
K.
Thanks.

You've Heard of Gender Identity Issues....

.....but have you ever heard of anything like "species identity issues?"

'Cause I'm pretty sure my cat has that.

She greets me at the door.

She follows me around wherever I go.

She sits for a treat.

She rolls over for a belly rub.

When I'm getting ready in the morning, she sits in my bathroom cupboard or on the toilet and listens to me talk about what I have going on for the day....

....and she responds.

When I am at the computer trying to "work" (term used loosely here), she plops herself right next to my notes.

She lets the girls throw her over their shoulder and carry her around like a baby.

She sits on top of the fridge while I cook.

She is most definitely a people cat.

Only I think she thinks she is a dog.

And I'm thinking of changing her name to "Shep."

goal for today

My goal for today is to sit here and polish up my random notes that I have been taking over the past several weeks.....and turn them into a presentation. One that is worthy to go in front of a board of directors.

whew.

sounded simpler in my mind than it does in writing.

more on this later.

back online

there was a glitch in mediacom's customer service system. apparently. that's what i'm told.

so last week

(as in 1 week ago)

(7 days)

they DISCONNECTED my cable and internet at the pole. because they had not yet recorded the last renter's transfer away from here and mine into this place.

and yet, they have been keeping up to date on the bills......hmmm.

so this whole week (7 entire days....)I have been without cable and internet and I actually experienced withdrawl like shaking symptoms and would wake up in a cold and disturbing sweat.

I need my internet people.
And I need to know what the real housewives of new york are doing.
and oprah.
and rachel ray.

whew. i am so glad this experience is behind me.

I think I might be a better person because of it.

or not.

catching up

i have no cable
no internet at my house.

for like 4 days now.

i snuck in brian's house for use of his internet.

and so i could watch the real housewives of new york....the stupid show i allow myself to watch which makes me feel better about the boring of rural life.....digressing here, sorry.

so
to catch up.

no more neck brace. i can drive again. conveniently just 2 days after gas prices went up like a dime in my town.

the price hasn't changed in 6 weeks. the entire time that i have been unable to drive.

now i can.
up went the price.

i'm thinking conspiracy.

ok....other stuff....

ballgames
ballgames
ballgames
and ball games.
oh and 1 track meet.

so to re-cap my life this week:
ballgames
no neck brace
gas price conspiracy
and last but not least,
real housewives of new york.

the end.

Magic

Tonight is one of those rare occassions where I will actually be able to be in TWO places at ONE time.

Mommy-power. Don't underestimate it.

the trick behind this illusion?
two girls have ball games scheduled tonight....same time and same park.
(the same park is the key to pulling off this amazing feat.)
me....at both of them.

Resume

Working on a resume today.

With one week left of having a neck brace, I feel like it is time to start thinking about that next job.

whatever that will be....

and when I say "start thinking"....what I really mean "do something about what I have been thinking"...

and if you aren't sure about what I have been thinking about, rest assured, you are not alone.

I haven't been entirely open about my ideas because I'm afraid to tell you, then fail miserably in front of you.

But on the other hand, there can be something positive about having nothing to lose...

....i'll have to chew on that one for a while.

"God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through."
-author unknown