"Never test the depth of water with both feet."
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger."
"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure."
"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
"An unwatched pot boils immediately."
"I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support."
"It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions."
"No one is listening until you fart."
and finally for today......
"Never do anything that you woldn't want to explain to the paramedics."