"Sometimes"

I got this as an email....Instead of forwarding, I am choosing to just post it as it is just something that I may want to refer to down the road.  I hope you enjoy these words of wisdom as well!



>>>S O M E T I MES


>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes...

>>>

>>>when you cry....

>>>

>>>no one sees your tears.

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes...

>>>

>>>when you are in pain.

>>>

>>>no one sees your hurt.

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes..

>>>

>>>when you are worried..

>>>

>>>no one sees your stress

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Sometimes..

>>>

>>>when you are happy..

>>>

>>>no one sees your smile ..

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>-

>>>

>>>But FART !!just ONE time...

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>And everybody knows!!

>>>

>>>Gotcha!!You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching

>>>stories!

Fair Warning...

...Stop reading at this very moment if you think you cannot handle girl talk.

And just so you know, I think my pharmacist wishes I would have given him the same warning.

But fortunately for him, he hired a wonderful pharmacy tech whose name is Hannah and she celebrated her 34th birthday today and she gives me some sort of candy every time I walk in. 

So...the day started out like any day that includes an annual physical would.

I got to visit my favorite PA on the planet.  And act like it is completely normal to talk about the weather and periods and tell a joke while wearing nothing but a paper towel. 

A sense of humor does help in these situations. 

I've already decided that at our next meeting, I will have some sort of fake tattoo in place....just to see if she notices. 

So I get done, assure the receptionist that nothing has changed with insurance.  Meaning I don't have any.  And watch the "sorry for you" look on her face.
So what.
Am I the only person that comes in here who doesn't have insurance?

Then.....
I go next door to the pharmacy. 
And hand over my perscription.
And I tell him that I need to get a price on it before I fill it.
Because....again....no insurance. 
NOBIGDEAL STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

And it just so happens that my perscription runs around $80.
$74 for the generic.

So I pleasantly say....okay, I cannot fill this so thanks for the chocolate and I will be back to visit every once in a while because you guys are my favorite pharmacy people ever and i don't have very many adult friends that i talk to anyway. 

(pretty sure pharmacist was thinking of calling security or the rubber truck company)

Then Hannah.  God bless Hannah. 
Gets on the computer.
Finds a coupon from the drug company.
Has me fill out the info on the computer.
Scores me my perscription for $25. 

I told her how much I loved her and would add her to my Christmas card list. 
And I said happy birthday.



SO
What better way to make the day better than by getting your hair done. 
That's what I thought.
Which is why I made appointments on the same day.

So
I have hot hair.

SO
I went to the wildcat's last basketball game.
With my hot hair.
And had to go the bathroom.

And none of the bolts on the doors of the restroom worked.
So I peed.
Not in private.

Which sort of reminded me of the start of my day.

it's like kindergarten all over again

This morning I had to drop the wildcat off at a baseball player meeting.

A high school baseball player meeting.

I dropped him off at the high school for a high school player meeting. 

And I kept thinking about how this just wasn't right.

And how I wondered if he wanted his mama to walk into the classroom with  him....
....like he did when he was lining up outside on his first day of kindergarten.

And, like kindergarten, how I wanted to stay around and maybe peek in the windows or catch a glimpse of him walking the halls. 

And where in the world did all of the elementary and jr. high school-time go anyway? 
Where?
Did I blink?

I'm happy to report that I only dropped him off. 
I didn't embarass him.
Didn't even mention how weird it was for me to be taking him to a high school thing...
...well, not more than 2 times anyway.

And he gets out of the car and says: Thanks mom.  Don't forget I'm lifting weights after practice.

And I said okay, i won't forget. 

But I thought:  i won't forget and i won't blink and i won't let any more time pass by without noticing and
I will be here waiting when you get done.
Just like kindergarten.

Not sure we have turned the corner...

....and on our way to healing. 

The last 48 hours have been spent in tears. 
And not just from my Clarie-Bear who is really really down with the flu.
I had some ugly sobs in there too.

We have had what I am sure are fever-induced nightmares. 
Where she is terrified. 
Not able to eat.
Or drink.
Or sleep very well. 

Once today she blew her nose for 13 minutes straight.
We know that because it was the entire time that her sister was "on the clock" as in keeping track of how many minutes she was reading for "read-a-million-minutes." 

I think that 13 minutes felt like a million to Claire. 

Her head has pounded
and pounded
and pounded.

I have held her in my arms as she was in and out of sleep and she would whisper to me
where are you mama?
and
am i falling?
and
don't let me fall mama

I had a few moments today where I seriously questioned whether I was being a good mama by  helping her to get through this....or if I was a horrible mama for not immediately rushing her to the ER. 

She is still fever-y.
And isn't eating yet.

But I may have noticed a small sign that she is improving.

Her brother walked by her once and she reached out and gave him a weak slap.
And said:
I just had to see if I was too weak to hit you.

And then a little later when he went to say goodnight to her she says
Come closer and I cough on you.

That's my girl.

oh no. not again.

the fever strikes again. 

While I had hoped that the last two of us to be sick would just end with us, it appears that this bug is working it's way through our house.

It's a sneaky bug. 

Just when someone gets better, we have a few good days, then that fever seems to strike it's next victim.

Last night, that was Claire. 

4th Grade Field Trip

I went along as a "chaperone" on the 4th Grade field trip today.

I had my reservations about going. 

Based on my experience on last year's field trip....when these kids were in 3rd grade. 

Last year....I "lost" one of the kids in my group.

We were not able to complete the scavenger hunt project at the museum.

On the bus trip, one of the kids almost spilled a blue slushie on me.

Another had asked me when the last time I had shaved was.

Apparently, not recent enough.

And then there was the whole "some kids should really wear deoderant at this age but don't know it" memory that sort of lingers from last year. 

This year...I AM HAPPY to REPORT....

*That I lost NOONE from my group.
(perhaps due to the fact that in my group of THREE....there were two parents involved.)
(teachers sure are smart)

*There were no concession stands at this years field trip.  Nobody spilled anything on me.

*It was not warm enough for shorts leaving no opportunity for anyone to wonder about my shaving habits.

*I am still fighting a cold.  A little stuffed up.  Can't really smell anything.  Good or bad. 

Claire and two friends in our group

That Inner Voice

Feeling that small whisper inside of me again. 
Telling me that I can make a difference.
What I do/say/write can count for something.
Besides just a paycheck. 

Feeling blessed and inadequate and excited and scared at the same time.
You know....normal. 

I believe that The Mission of Motherhood
or maybe something like
The Ministry of Motherhood
or
Missionary Mom
is about ready to be launched. 

If this makes no sense to you, do not be alarmed. 
You haven't missed the memo.
I just haven't been too forthright in sharing my vision.

That may change.

Dear Valentine's Day,

You dissapointed me this year.
I am glad you are over.

Weekend in Review...

Just the highlights:

*The wildcat and the rest of the 8th grade boys basketball team continues to work hard.  There wasn't a win here, but the hard fought battle made me proud to be watching these boys play.  They can hang in there when they want to.  Keep working hard boys!

*This is what I call the creative proccess meets writer's block.  I have my notes from an interview I conducted with some of the most inspirational nurses I have ever met.  I'm working on an article about them for a hospice care company newsletter.  They are so fabulous....the words I have so far just don't seem to do them proper justice.  I really want to nail this one. 

(do you see that random string in this photo?  my cat dragged it over wanting to play)


*And this is for the 3rd and 4th graders.  I have a bunch of popcorn to pop and I have stocked up on about 10 pounds of m&ms that I will throw in.  My girls have volunteered me for valentine treats.  I know how to decorate popcorn.  That's it.  And somehow, the girls think this is great.  well okay, then!

*Marz played ball yesterday.  Won the first, lost the second and third. I suspect a case of burn-out.

*Took played yesterday.  She got mad at me for going to Marisa's and not hers.  I need to find me a mommy "double." 

*Claire plays later today.  It's always fun to see if she is going to throw an elbow or experience some foul trouble.  4th grade can be intense, you know.  (or maybe just my daughter can be intense....)

*I'm STILL not feeling the best.  Got issues with my ear.  So if I you talk to me and I just stare at you, my apologies.  I cannot hear you. 
Or I may be using my current state of disability to act like I cannot hear you.

Belated Birthday Note to one of my favorite people

I like to write my kids a little letter each year on their birthdays.

There is a "birthday note" on my heart that I am just dying to get out, but fear of stepping on toes has held me back.  Because it isn't for any of my own children. 

So this comes a day late
And someday when I am an old woman (older woman)
I will look back on this day in history
And be able to read my birthday wishes
To one of my favorite people on the planet

Who I am so incredibly proud of

Proud to be a small part of his life

Proud of the man he is growing into being

Proud of his bravery
....at trying new things
....moving to new places
....working harder than he ever has
....stepping out of his comfort zone
....and figuring out what paths he wants to walk

I feel so incredibly blessed that he allows me to be a small part of his life

Because the truth is
He takes up a big part of my heart

Happy (Belated) Birthday
Ty James
I love you
~rob

Feel the Love

Working on the Valentine's Day Cards.

Tookie was extra careful not to pick out any "Be Mine" cards for any boys.

Claire didn't care....she just wanted to get it done.



*****************************
In other news:
Met with a client that I write for today.
Going back for more interviews on Friday.
The project continues to look promising....
....with the potential to add more ongoing work to the list of what I already do.

=hopeful me!!!

The Wildcat faces North Cedar...and another post about puke

So way back in football season when we played north cedar, I was thinking....
man, these boys in north cedar are huge! what are their mamas feeding them?

So I was mentally prepared for the match-up in size to be just like this....

The wildcats didn't look like they were playing with confidence.
And I didn't see any outstanding bouts of aggressiveness.
So it wasn't a fun one to watch.

But worth noting:
The wildcat played till he puked.
Which is a sure sign that he was playing harder than I first suspected.
He came out of the game in the 3rd quarter....
....to puke
But then he pulled up the proverbial boot straps and got back in there.

This is the post puke picture.
I should have probably asked him if he wanted a breath mint before I left. 
hindsight.

(yes, this is the second post in a row about vomit of some sort.)
(suddenly i feel boring that the most noteworthy things that i want to write down happen to be about throwing up)
(someday I may grow up and have more interesting things that I want to share.  maybe.)

denial

I do not have time to be sick.
I do not have energy to fight off being sick.
I keep telling whatever is bringing me down to go away...'cause you just are not welcome here.

But I have that feeling....you know the one where if you move too much you might just sort of throw up?

I said sort of for those of you who might get a little squeemish at the mention of vomit.

Maybe I shouldn't have said the word vomit.

I gotta go now.

"My whole life I have been constantly interrupted until I realized that the interruptions were my work."
~Henri Nouwen

Saturday

It's Saturday.  Which, for me means....I am in a gymnasium somewhere.  Watching the girls play ball.

It also means that today is a day that I set aside time to work on my writing assignments and projects.

That is sort of a failure to plan well on my part. 

I need one more day in each week.

Or...approximately three more hours in each day would work fine too. 

Either way. 

I need some magic-mama powers.

Snow Day

Snow day is just a little to mild of a way to describe this day.

Pretty sure this will be known as the Blizzard of 2011.

So....I'd like to document how our day was spent.  My apologies for those of you looking for riveting words and sensational stories. 

Because when I'm not busy wowing you with these stories....I'm using this as a diary of sorts. 

 
So I pushed my way out the door this morning.  Hard.  Actually took muscle. 
Muscle that I wasn't ready to use.
So I used my resources.....

 

We cleaned the living room.  I'm thinking of letting the dust bunnies roam free...in celebration of the Easter season. 

And because I'm tired of dusting.

 Some of us read "a million minutes." 

All in one day.

Because today is the official kick-off of "Read a Million Minutes" at school. 

 I made homemade cheesburger sliders.
Which nobody liked.
Except for me.
So I ate more than I should have.
And now feel pretty blah about. 

We celebrated the cat's birthday.
With cake.
We don't really know when her birthday is.

A snow day seemed like a good enough day to us.


And while I don't have pictures to prove anything....I just broke up a physical altercation between the two youngest. 
It wasn't pretty.
Of course, everyone was being all tough till they got caught. 
Then tears and "did you see what she did to me?"
And all that girl stuff. 
Their room looks like the blizzard hit there.  Right smack in the middle of it.

And I'm tired.
Still wearing same clothes I was this time yesterday.
I've been busy all the live-long day around here, but certainly didn't get a thing done that I wanted to.

But I did have birthday cake.
And cheeseburger sliders.
So that is something. 

It's a Winter Blizzard

Like, seriously.
A blizzard.

School got out early.
Won't be goin tomorrow.

So I ran to the store to make sure I was stocked up on things that would make us happy while snowed in.

Eggs, bread and wine were on the list.

(hey...bread and wine is like, biblical.  don't judge)

It is possible, however, that I have too much sugar in this house. 
I mean...if we are all gonna be in close proximity....sugar highs can be dangerous.
And fun. 

So we've already made cookies.  These are SOOO good.  Homemade sugar cookies sandwiched together with strawberry preserves then dipped in melted chocolate. 
(I had the cookies already made and in the freezer from Christmas time)



And so these are good.  And pretty.  They would make a nice gift for a friend or neighbor.
But, as I mentioned, we are in the middle of a BLIZZARD.
So we will have to eat them.
All.
Ourselves.


So I had some extra chocolate melted and I thought: 
Why not spoil the wholesome goodness of whole wheat ritz crackers by dipping them in chocolate.
And so I could not come up with any good reason to NOT ruin anything healthy by dipping it in chocolate.
So I did. 

 In other news....probably unrelated to all of the sugar in the house....things are loud.  There are some minor irritations going on.  And music too.  (music is unrelated to the irritations.....but not unrelated to the "loud." 

I hate winter right now

Looking for sunshine and green grass and warmer temps.
Sunflower seeds and baseball games sound good too. 

I say this as the forcasted weather for the next two days is for "feets" (tookie says it like this) of snow and blizzard conditions.

So....in order to cope, I plan on turning the heat up, wearing pajamas all day, playing wii with the kids....

And....I will pour some wine, make a tanning appointment and dream about being someplace else.  Someplace warm.  Someplace Jimmy Buffet would sing about.

ahhhh.
alcohol and imagination works well for me.